Insomniac

I believe this "Make It Zen" blog can now officially be called "Random Blogs of the Insomniac". i laugh when I get emails from WebMD titled "How do you know if you're having problems sleeping?" Lol :/ how else other than you're not sleeping! :/ silly wabbits. so i made a new playlist tonight of a bunch of oldies with a few current oldies. songs of my mother's time mixed with songs of mine. 29 in total and in the end i just have one on repeat. smh. as my family faces death again as an old friend, life is constantly being brought to the forefront. how i'm living it, how i'm not, what were the older generation doing at my age...things of that nature. "lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you..." my fav ln in the song. "tears stream down your face when you lose something you could not replace." i have a cousin who used to do this. whenever she would get in one of her moods similar to the one i'm in now, she would have her songs playing (back then it was from a cassette tape) and she would write the lyrics down. i wonder if she ever found out that that could be used as a form of mediation? that's what i need right now. either that or Goo$e but whatever. either way, the mission is to fall asleep. "lights will guide you home..." i could see myself running to this song. honestly the only reason why i write my thoughts here is because it's convenient. don't have to look for pen or paper and i don't have to turn on the lights. of course the pro to having your personal thoughts kept personal, you don't have to edit them or try to be careful. hmph. and ppl think i don't care about them. lol :/ "when you're too in love to let it go..." lol ever find yourself singing a love song and realize that you're not singing to anyone in particular but to an idea of a person? smh. my best friends are helping me remain honest with myself. i love them so much. all of them. it's 3 am and i'm thinking about me and my bed. i'm thinking about my ex-fiance and how life is so funny that he and i don't even speak anymore. and we used to be so "in love". i think about my friends and their failed relationships and how each one was "the one". rme. i just want someone who would love me the way i want to be loved. treat me the way i want to be treated. is that a damn sin? rme. sigh. may not be but it's a hell of a wait. believe it or not, i'm not complaining about it. it hasn't come my way and God has his reasons. i appreciate life for what it is at the moment. i wonder if i'll be awake all night? it's after 3 "when u feel so tired and u can't sleep..." sigh. "when you love someone and it goes to waste..." "if you'll never know just what you're worth..." i love you Martin but Javier Colon's voice has a different effect on me. i'm awake and all i want to do is lay wrapped in your arms and fall asleep. you insensitive ass. :( "tears stream down your face and i....." "i promise you i will learn from my mistakes..."

Lyrics to the Song I could never claim credit for:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want and not what you need
And you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
i will try to fix u

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
And if you never try, you'll never know just what ur worth

lights will guide you home and ignite ur bones
And i will try to fix you

tears stream down your face
when you lose something you could not replace
tears stream down your face and i....
tears stream down your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down ur face and i...

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you

Song by Coldplay; Cover by Javier Colon

A stolen quote that i promise myself i will live by (and no, i have no intentions of mentioning the author i took it from): "Love without obsession and raving infatuation does not appeal to me"and it never will.